Just Right Boundaries
What do you think about when you think about boundaries? Do you think they restrict you or hem you in? That they are helpful? Or, are you unsure?
Today the topic is boundaries, what they do for us, and how we can nurture them so that we can navigate our worlds with comfort and integrity.
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Healthy physical and emotional boundaries are a good thing. When aligned with our core values, intentions, speech, and actions healthy boundaries allow us to freely give and receive and to connect with others with respect and dignity. Poor boundaries lead to distress and suffering.
Today, we explore how to notice what kind of boundary is in front of us. And, how our behavior with respect to that boundary causes an effect. We look at invisible boundaries and how they may be invisible to some but create insurmountable obstacles for others.
Finding the just rightness of a boundary is important—not too solid and not too porous; not too high and not too low; not too rigid and not too flexible. We talk about how being mindful of the feeling tone of experience—that feeling of pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral— is an early warning system—allowing us to pause, ask what’s happening in the moment, sensing inwardly how it feels, and inquiring what runs through it, underneath it, and on top of it.
This week I invite you to take some time to explore your boundaries. Do you take advantage of others’ boundaries? Do others take advantage of your boundaries? Choose one boundary that you would like to build, nurture, or lessen.
Write down two or three actions you can take to improve the boundary so that it feels right—not too porous and not too rigid. Right down some actions that give you and the others an appropriate amount of space, that respect everyone’s autonomy, and that feel right inside of you—not too constricting and not too loose. These actions might take the form when “this” happens, I will do “that.” Here’s an example, “When my friend invites herself over to eat tonight, I will let her know that tonight isn’t a good night for me, but that next week will work fine.”
As you practice, notice what changes. Notice how emotions flow through you without you putting up a wall or getting all hung up in them. And, notice the clarity of your thinking—how you can say “Yes” and say “No” and how that feels just right.
Thank you for listening today. I am grateful you are here and I’m grateful for the people behind the scenes who make this podcast possible.
All the members of the podcast on Patreon;
Gorgias Romero for original music, audio engineering and production;
Bill Rafferty for technical web support;
Allie Allen for logo and podcast cover design; and
Margaret Haas for announcing the show.
Be well. Be mindful.
RESOURCES/CREDITS
Wilkerson, Isabel, Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents, Random House, New York, 2020
DISCLAIMER
The content in the podcast and on this webpage is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical or health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice and guidance of your health professional.
