The Comparing Mind
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Do you ever find yourself worrying "Am I better than that person over there? Am I worse? Am I just as good? " Or do you find yourself cooperating with someone because you believe it gives you an advantage of some kind?
Today we’re exploring the comparing mind. Why are we always comparing? And how does the comparing mind make us feel dissatisfied?
We go back to our evolutionary roots and trace how we have evolved using both competition and cooperation and how Darwin discovered that groups that expressed compassion and cooperation thrived more than groups rooted in competition.
Intentions matter as do ethics. This ability to choose gives us an immense advantage. The intentions we set—whether to help or harm and whether to compete of cooperate—either align or diverge from our moral core.
We test assumptions about competition. Athletes, who are thought to be very competitive, actually don’t compete in the way that we might expect. Rather than go against the competition, they train to be the best they can and when in competition, let their training take the lead. They are not thinking about the competitor next to them.
The comparing mind? It comes on line when we are caught up in the ego-mind. The ego-mind can be fragile—always grasping and holding on. We want to be adulated, flattered, praised, loved, valued and admired. We may not want to admit this to anyone, not even ourselves, and we do it in subtle and not so subtle ways. In college I share how my ego mind got caught up in comparing mind until I woke up.
So, what do we do when we find ourselves getting caught up in comparing mind? Be mindful. Notice, allow, and feel how it feels. Make soft mental notes to keep us present with what comes “tight, tight,” “Unworthy, unworthy.” And, as a way to remember write down what we have experienced as we have been present with comparing mind.
Finally, we remind ourselves to nurture ourselves and that lovingkindness and self-compassion is the antidote to comparing mind.
When we step back, put space around it, and recognize it, just as it is right now, we clearly see the comparing mind. Thank it for trying to protect us. And, then call upon our moral compass to guide our speech, actions, and livelihood.
I hope you enjoy the show, and as always, I am grateful to you, my audience, and I am also grateful for the people behind the scenes who make this podcast possible.
Allie Allen for logo and podcast cover design;
Gorgias Romero for original music, audio engineering and production;
Bill Rafferty for technical web support; and
Margaret Haas for announcing the show.
Be well. Be mindful.
CREDITS/RESOUCES:
Dixon, Thomas, “Forget Cut-Throat Competition: To Survive, Try a Little Selflessness”, The Guardian, July 25, 2016 https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jul/25/altruism-secret-evolution-charles-darwin Accessed August 29, 2022
DISCLAIMER:
The content in the podcast and on this webpage is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical or health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice and guidance of your health professional.
